- Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
- Chuck Norris doesn't deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
- Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
- Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
- A synchronize doesn't protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
- Chuck Norris' java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun's labs killing 37 people.
- When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris' deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
- The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
- Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
- Chuck Norris doesn't write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris' binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
- Chuck Norris methods doesn't catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
- Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
- If you get a ChuckNorrisException you'll probably die.
- Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
- Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
- Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the "flying tornado kick" at the moment it throws
- Chuck Norris's code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects' privates
- Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and "protected by Chuck Norris", don't try to access a field with this
last modifier!!
- Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
- Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
- Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
- Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
- Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
- When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
- Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
- Chuck Norris implements "Indestructible". All the other creatures implements "Killable".
- Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
- Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
- JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
- Chuck Norris extends God.
- Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it's so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
- Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
- Chuck Norris' classes can't be decompiled... don't bother trying.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
LEROOOOYYYYY JENKIINNNNSSSSS!!!!!
watch this, then read the following:
George W. Bush: OK guys, the Middle East has given us a lot of troublein the past, uh does anybody need anything off Iran or can we bypassthem?
Dick Cheney: Uhh, I think Israel needs something from this guy.
Bush: Oh, does he need the Holy Land? Doesn't - isn't he a country now?
Cheney: Yeah, but that will help him look better, he'll have more land.
Bush: [sighs] Christ. OK, uhh well what we'll do, I'll run in first, uh gather up all the insurgents, we can kinda just, ya know run them allout with our guns. Um, I will use Vague Threats, to kinda scatter'em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. Uhh, when my guys are done, uhh, I'll need England to come in and send his guys too, uh so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. Um, when his is done, Poland of course will need to run in and do the same thing. Uhh, we're gonna need Propaganda for our Marines, uhh so they can, uhh, win, uh so we can of course get them down fast, cause we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. Uhh I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. Uhh, what do you think Donald? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Donald Rumsfeld: Uhhh.. yeah gimme a sec... I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival.
Bush: That's a lot better than we usually do, uhh, alright, you think we're ready guys?
Israel: All right chums, I'm back! Let's do this! LEEROOOOOOOY JEEENKIIIIIINSSS!!! [runs into Lebanon]
-Short pause-
Bush: [incredulous] ... Oh my God he just ran in.
Cheney: Save them!
Bush: Oh jeez, stick to the plan.
Rumsfeld: Oh jeez, let's go, let's go!
Democrats: [sarcastic] Stick to the plan chums!
Cheney: Stick to the plan!
Bush: Oh jeez, oh ****...
Cheney: Gimme propaganda, hurry up.
Rumsfeld: Shootin'!
Karl Rove: They're saying I can't spin! I can't spin, am I slipping, guys? I can't spin!
Bush: What the?what the hell?
Rove: I can't spin this!
Cheney: Oh my God...
Rumsfeld: The soldiers just keep dying! More dying!!
Bush: I don't think you can spin with this **** going on!
Cheney: Oh my God!
Israel: We got em, we got em!
Ehud Olmert: I got it! I got it! [muffled shouts]
Poland: Poland's down. Poland's down.
Rumsfeld: Oh my God..
Bush: Goddamnit Israel!
Cheney: Goddamnit...
Hezbollah: Israel you moron! [various put-downs of Israel amongst the Middle East]
England: I'm on it.
Germany: It's on Germany.
Rumsfeld: This is ridiculous.
England: I'm down, England down. Goddamnit.
Germany: Germany is down.
Bush: This is the millionth time we've failed at this, God!
Cheney: Rove, spin us! Rove, spin us!
Rumsfeld: Why do you do this **** Israel?
Rove: I'm trying!
Israel [crying]: It's not my fault!
Cheney: Who's reporting on this?
Bush: We do have the media here, don't we? [everyone dies] Think I need the media?
Rove: Yeah but I don't think we know a sympathetic reporter.
Bush [noticing everybody is dead]: ... Oh God...
Everybody: Oh for - [sighs] Great job!
Cheney: Israel, you are just stupid as hell.
Hezbollah: Idiot.
Israel: ... 'Least I got revenge.
George W. Bush: OK guys, the Middle East has given us a lot of troublein the past, uh does anybody need anything off Iran or can we bypassthem?
Dick Cheney: Uhh, I think Israel needs something from this guy.
Bush: Oh, does he need the Holy Land? Doesn't - isn't he a country now?
Cheney: Yeah, but that will help him look better, he'll have more land.
Bush: [sighs] Christ. OK, uhh well what we'll do, I'll run in first, uh gather up all the insurgents, we can kinda just, ya know run them allout with our guns. Um, I will use Vague Threats, to kinda scatter'em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. Uhh, when my guys are done, uhh, I'll need England to come in and send his guys too, uh so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. Um, when his is done, Poland of course will need to run in and do the same thing. Uhh, we're gonna need Propaganda for our Marines, uhh so they can, uhh, win, uh so we can of course get them down fast, cause we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. Uhh I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. Uhh, what do you think Donald? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Donald Rumsfeld: Uhhh.. yeah gimme a sec... I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival.
Bush: That's a lot better than we usually do, uhh, alright, you think we're ready guys?
Israel: All right chums, I'm back! Let's do this! LEEROOOOOOOY JEEENKIIIIIINSSS!!! [runs into Lebanon]
-Short pause-
Bush: [incredulous] ... Oh my God he just ran in.
Cheney: Save them!
Bush: Oh jeez, stick to the plan.
Rumsfeld: Oh jeez, let's go, let's go!
Democrats: [sarcastic] Stick to the plan chums!
Cheney: Stick to the plan!
Bush: Oh jeez, oh ****...
Cheney: Gimme propaganda, hurry up.
Rumsfeld: Shootin'!
Karl Rove: They're saying I can't spin! I can't spin, am I slipping, guys? I can't spin!
Bush: What the?what the hell?
Rove: I can't spin this!
Cheney: Oh my God...
Rumsfeld: The soldiers just keep dying! More dying!!
Bush: I don't think you can spin with this **** going on!
Cheney: Oh my God!
Israel: We got em, we got em!
Ehud Olmert: I got it! I got it! [muffled shouts]
Poland: Poland's down. Poland's down.
Rumsfeld: Oh my God..
Bush: Goddamnit Israel!
Cheney: Goddamnit...
Hezbollah: Israel you moron! [various put-downs of Israel amongst the Middle East]
England: I'm on it.
Germany: It's on Germany.
Rumsfeld: This is ridiculous.
England: I'm down, England down. Goddamnit.
Germany: Germany is down.
Bush: This is the millionth time we've failed at this, God!
Cheney: Rove, spin us! Rove, spin us!
Rumsfeld: Why do you do this **** Israel?
Rove: I'm trying!
Israel [crying]: It's not my fault!
Cheney: Who's reporting on this?
Bush: We do have the media here, don't we? [everyone dies] Think I need the media?
Rove: Yeah but I don't think we know a sympathetic reporter.
Bush [noticing everybody is dead]: ... Oh God...
Everybody: Oh for - [sighs] Great job!
Cheney: Israel, you are just stupid as hell.
Hezbollah: Idiot.
Israel: ... 'Least I got revenge.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Those wacky Japanese...
...and their tv prank shows.
i laughed so hard, my stomache hurt. i bet you'd never get away with this in the U.S.A. You'd be slapped with a lawsuit faster than you could blink.
i laughed so hard, my stomache hurt. i bet you'd never get away with this in the U.S.A. You'd be slapped with a lawsuit faster than you could blink.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
holy moly!!!
i can't believe crap like this exists. i'm all for love, peace, believing you can do stuff... but in 24 weeks i can get a "Clairvoyant Practitioner Certification"???
and Reiki Healings? $50 for 30 minutes of someone not touching me?
and now they have Dodecahedron (scroll down) power. is that 5 times better than Pyramid power? or wait, does pyramid power use a 5-sided pyramid, so dodecahedron power is only 4 times, stronger... i get confused...
and Reiki Healings? $50 for 30 minutes of someone not touching me?
and now they have Dodecahedron (scroll down) power. is that 5 times better than Pyramid power? or wait, does pyramid power use a 5-sided pyramid, so dodecahedron power is only 4 times, stronger... i get confused...
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